(The Khlong Way Home, continued from page 7)

The conductors who man the boats are amazing to watch. There are two to each boat, and they are probably the most adept multitaskers that I have seen in any line of work, albeit a dangerous one at that. The boats pull into the piers, which are often wet and slippery, and the conductors jump off and quickly whip a safety rope around a pillar to lodge the boat. Within seconds, they have gotten passengers off and on, whipped the ropes back off, and jumped onto the boat again. They then make their way around the narrow boat side, reaching in to collect money and dispense tickets to the throng of passengers, all the while having to be aware of ducking under low clearance bridges that line the route and taking care not to slip off the tiny space available for their feet. It would be interesting to see what kind of training they go through when they start working, although I imagine it goes something rather like “sink or swim.”

A few tips are in order for the first time khlong boat rider:

1. All seating has its pros and cons. The front seats have legroom, and no water ever splashes into the boat in this area, but it is stuffy and difficult to get in and out of. The midsection of the boat has seats, but most farangs will effectively have to remove their legs if they wish to sit in them facing forward. I find the back of the boat most preferable, as one can stand up, especially outside near the rail- ings, with fresh air and great views. However, standing on the side may lead to the occasional wave drenching, not to mention the need for vigilance at the low clearance bridges (there is one particular bridge near Khlong Tan that resembles a guillotine!). The back of the boat also houses the engine, which is very noisy.

2. The piers and boat edges are very slippery. Take extreme care when boarding and disembarking. I have seen a few souls slip into the khlong, which would not be a pleasant thing to experience. Also, on piers that come down onto the khlong, there is a reason why people remain in the seating area above until the boat ar- rives, as its wake usually fills the pier up with water, leaving the unsuspecting farang as wet entertainment.

3. The boats do not stop for long. Be ready before your stop to hop off, and if you dare, get out onto the boat edge prior to arrival. Watch for the boat bumping back off the edge of the pier as it arrives, many people don’t time their leap properly and again become wet entertainment. On the other hand, it is a marvel to watch the office ladies in high heels negotiate the piers and water, and also a miracle how they step over the rope curtains into the boats in 7-inch miniskirts without ever showing thigh.

4. It is well advised not to become wet entertainment. The khlong, despite its history and design, is pretty darn filthy, and would not be pleasant to get to know intimately. Try to avoid the boat splashes too, as khlong water in the eyes can cause infection.

5. First-time riders may not want to experience their first khlong ride during rush hour (6-9am inbound, 4-7 outbound), unless they want to relive the experience of being in the front row of a Black Sabbath concert or learn what it truly means to be a sardine.

The boats on the Saen Saeb run from 6am until 8pm M-F, and 6-7 on weekends. A ticket from the Ramkamhaeng/Khlong Tan area to Pratunam (and, for that mat- ter, all the way to the Golden Mount) costs 14-16 baht, less for shorter runs. The majority of signs on each pier are also written in English, listing both the name of the pier, as well as the subsequent piers to the east and west. Stops like Pratu- nam, Asok/Petchaburi, and Ramkamhaeng always have a lot of people getting on and off, but for smaller stops, have a map (you can even find Google Maps of the khlong), ask a local, and be prepared. Sure, khlong travel does have its down- sides, but it beats growing old waiting for a traffic light any day!

Dave is a freelance photojournalist spending most of his time traveling through Southeast Asia. He is the author of “Odysseus’ Last Stand,” which received the Silver Medal from the Society of American Travel Writers. When not out wandering to wayward local festivals, he can be found drinking a cold Chang in any Bangkok establishment with a nice outdoor patio. He can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .